Rain was pouring steadily across the highway and she could not help but remember home. She still remembered the smell of wet ground after it rained back home and how she would look outside her window and dream... dream of a day when she would drive back home from work on a similar rainy day. She would day dream about her future home and wonder how her husband would be. She would wonder what her to-be husband was doing as she was wondering about him. Nostalgia filled her as she drove across the highway and took the exit. The irony of her childhood fantasies made her want to laugh, yet she could not laugh at the little girl who had dreams. The little girl was pretty brave to be able to dream and hope for the dream to come true. Dreams could not be a part of her life now...
Lights glimmered as she arrived downtown and took her exit. She parked her car in Motel 6 and went to the lobby.
"Good evening ma'am, welcome to motel 6. How can I help you today?" The over enthusiastic front desk clerk chirped to her. All clerks were friendly the first few times they saw her, but as her visits became frequent, some ignored her or gave her strange looks or at times asked her to leave the property. That was when she had to look for another hotel.
The bright kid in the front desk had a name tag that said 'Andrew' and had a smiley face besides his name. "Hi Andrew, could you ring Mr. Miller's room for me and tell him that Ashley is here to see him?" She gave the kid a bright smile of her own.
"I would be glad to assist you ma'am!"
With that he gave the room a ring and informed her that Mr. Miller would like her to go to his room on the fourth floor. The room number was 410. She went to the room and knocked twice when an elderly man in his fifties opened the door. His hair was thinning and some specks of gray were splattered all across his head. He had an expensive looking watch on his wrist and a cigar on his mouth.
"Ashley?" he asked as if to confirm that it really was the girl that he talked to.
"Mr. Miller, glad to see you. Did you bring me the envelop?" Her first sentence always begun with these lines.
"Of course I did, do come in. And please call me Tom, that would be more comfortable for the both of us."
Ashley went inside and surveyed the room. It certainly was not a grand suite that she was used to, but she had to choose her venue according to the guest's demands. This one preferred a cheap hotel where they could not be noticed. She took off her overcoat, exposing the flimsy skirt and tank top she wore inside.
"Do you want me to take off my clothes or would you prefer to do it?" she asked in a in a husky voice.
Tom smiled and slowly took off her clothes revealing the lacy black lingerie. She undressed him slowly and carefully. All of this had become a daily routine for her and she did not wince or hold her breath as she went through the routine anymore. All she had to do was think about her schedule for the next day as she performed her job and it would be all done in no time. She would be back home soon enough if the customer did not want her to stay there for an overtime. She did not mind overtimes as she got paid twice the amount for 2 more hours. Sometimes she even thought about the first days when she had decided to start her job...
Her flight landed in San Francisco on the winter of 1998. She had never been outside Nepal in all her life and was pretty excited to be at a new place. She knew that the university shuttle would be outside to get her. She could not wait to reach her dormitory and see what the new place had in store for her. 18 at that time, life had held a special meaning and was full of hopes. She had a white girl named Andrea as her room mate. They became fast friends soon and started going to places and doing things together. Ashima (now known as Ashley) loved her new found independence and had a great time hanging out with Andrea and her friends.
Soon she started getting invited to all kinds of parties along with Andrea and made a lot of friends. She was discovering new things like the taste of wine, the bitterness of tequila and the intoxication of marijuana. Her weekdays consisted of on campus job and classes and her weekends consisted of alcohol, nicotine and marijuana. Her parents were happy to find her excited and blissful every time they called her from Nepal. They were amazed how US had changed their quiet daughter into a jolly chatterbox who seemed to have become outgoing after landing in the foreign land.
After a few months of spending her money in parties, Ashley discovered that she did not have enough money to live her life as glamorously anymore. When she conveyed her problem to Andrea, she suggested that she might know a job that paid good money for a few hours. Ashley found herself in a strippers club applying for a job. She was nervous about the whole proposition. The flimsiest clothes that she had ever worn was a swimming costume that had a skirt attached to its hips.
"Are you sure Andrea?" she hesitated as she looked at the flimsy bikini clad girls showing themselves off on stage.
"Oh come on Ash, I am going to join this place with you, and we can be on stage together. This is a totally respectful job; it's not a nude bar. You just have to wear your bikini just like you would in a beach. All kinds of college students do this to get money for school you know!"
With that she started her new career as a stripper. At first she felt her adrenalin flow as all people cheered her while she was stripping down. Later she did not care, it was like lifting some bowls at a restaurant. She would just concentrate on the money... after all, she did get paid good! Gradually she started enjoying all the attention she got. She would love the looks of admiration on the eyes of men as they looked at her. She felt like a goddess who had the full attention of all these men. She felt powerful and beautiful. She started working out five times a week to get her body sculpted. Andrea was always with her and they would have fun together and get paid for it. She could not ask for a better job!!
One night when she was at work, she saw a blond guy looking at her intently and giving her a smile. She recognized him from her chemistry class and had been crushing on him for weeks. She could not believe that he was here looking at her when she was stripping! This was the first time that she wanted to be anywhere else but in front of that guy. She was hoping to make a better impression of herself, but this would probably spoil her impression forever!!
After work was over, she tried to slip out silently but she ran right into the blue eyed guy. "Hey, I was watching you tonight and thought I knew you from somewhere. Aren’t you in my chem. class?"
"Yes I am." If it wasn't dark outside he would see her blush.
"I was wondering if u wanted to go dancing in a club. I really liked your moves and as it is just 12 right now we still have 2 hours before the club closes."
Ashley thought she was dreaming! Of course she agreed to go and had the best time in her life. She danced and drank and got totally out of hand. She also ended up going to Brad's (the guy with the blue eyes) apartment. When she went home next day Andrea was all excited to know where she had been last night. When Ashley told her the story of her new boyfriend, they were both elated and excited so when Brad did not talk to her in the chem. class, Ash was devastated.
"Give him some time. Maybe he thinks things are going too fast. He will get along pretty soon," Andrea's suggestion really bothered Ash. After a week of pretending to not know each other, Ash decided to face him.
"Come on Ash, we are both adults. I never said anything about going strong. I thought we understood that it was a one night thing. Didn't you have a good time?" Brad's answer shocked her and all she could do was nod her head and walk away. Brad was not the only heart breaker that she came across. She met Andy, Josh and Phil who were interested in her for either one night or maybe a few weeks. Her heart would break again and again... all she was looking for was a relationship. And though all men would come and stare at her like she was a goddess, when it came to a relationship, they would just walk away!
She kept hoping that maybe one day a man would see her for herself rather than see her as the stripper, but it never happened. One night when she went to a hotel with a guy (as they both had roommates), he left some money for her in the night stand and was nowhere to be seen. She had actually dated that jerk for two whole weeks and he thought she was some kind of slut!
She left the money in the room and ran all the way to her dorm. Even Andrea could not console her. She could not understand why everyone thought she was a call girl! She would not even perform nude on stage. She hated herself for letting handful of jerks upset her like this. She hated being out of control and hated people taking charge of her life. She decided to quit work and stay in her room and choke in self pity. After a week though, she could not take it anymore. She decided that she would take control of her life and take control of the men's life who thought they could hurt her.
She started sleeping with men who paid enormous amounts of money. She always made it a point that she would look good for them. She would normally sleep with men who were either married or engaged. If she liked them, she would even sleep with them more than once. She made sure that they got addicted to her. She would even buy them small gifts and do whatever they wanted her to do. She would dress up in whatever clothes they had asked for. She would act like their slave and abide to all their wishes. Some were so taken by her that they would ask her to get married to them. But after a certain time she would cut off her contacts with them... She liked to see how desperate they got for her and how sometimes they would stop caring about their wives, and when she left her some would get shattered!
She could decide when men would get pleasure and when pain would be inflicted to them. She was in charge of it all and along the way she had forgotten why she got into the profession. She loved what she was doing and loved to be in control. It was as professional as she could be. And today her new client Tom was yet another client that added to her list. Maybe she would sleep with him a couple more times and get him attached to her, after all older men fell for her easier! She had become what she wanted to be and she could not think what else she could have done.
But at days when it rained, she would go back to her reverie of being home. She would sit and dream. Dream about the little girl who had once dreamt of prince charming, but got a thousand of frogs instead...
