Hi,

I just thought of sharing this to you guys, hope you will take it positively.

I got married in Nepal year 2005. Before we could start to live our life , so many problems arose that i didnot find anything good to live with this marriage. Therefore after six months of time, i asked for divorce with my wife and her family they said, they will never agree. they dont want divorce.

Something i found in Nepal news.com which is similar to my life is:

"Divorce does not always cause harm to social order. Sometimes it becomes
the only way out for married couples who find it difficult to give
continuity to their relationship and seek a way-out"

Now its almost 2 years of time that they are not ready for divorce, and our situation has got more worst. now there's no way that we could be together again but they are forcing and insiting to keep this relation.

They are saying i can go to the court and file for divorce, but to do that i have to go to Village District Office, and than to the court whicy may take 3 or 4 years of time!

Is this the way people want to live in their life, i am totally shocked, if my wife is ready we can get divorce may be in one day. now the problem is she is not ready which means if i follow the process will take upto 5 years.

What do u think guys?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Nepali hero
Once a person get divorced he never suggests anyone to divorce. You said you have made one mistake already so dont try to make a blunder second time. Divorce is not a solution. If you divorced you will never never be happy.

Nepali_Hero,
I don't think it is fair to the gal. You knew that it was going to be an arrange marriage, you should have spent more time with the gal before agreeing to marry. I don't know how old you are and how long you have been living here in US or Canada, I am sure you know that is exactly how your, mine and all of our parents were brought together..arrange marriage. I am sure they did not agree on everything immediately. It took them time to get used to each others opinion, behaviour etc. Six months is not a fair amount of time in the first place. If she is from a traditional nepali family, yes she is going to be shy and it will take her sometime to open up. You need to comfort her, show her the western way of living if that is what you want her to be. I would rather marry a shy cultural nepali gal rather than a western influenced advance gal that chooses to enjoy your happiness and not be there in ur down time.
Give her a chance. Have you shown her the western culture and way of life that you are used to? I am afraid you have not. Is that fair. How could you marry her, leave her in Nepal and you here. Imagine what goes thru her mind. Imagine urself in her situation!!!

guys
don't you see his id call nepali hero ... that mean he is immature ... he is jerk ,,,he is cheting wid his wife.... wanted to married wid that bitchh who he love her that why he wanna divorce .... don't waste your time to wrote for him ....he is whore ....worst then that bitch...

Reading uglyqueen's post...... she is either drunk... or she needs to go read some "Gul Mohar" or "English Grammar Book for SLC students" .... so the guy is a whore... and the girl is a bitch ?? doesn't that mean MS. UglyQueen is drunk?? !!! :S :S :S

I really dont understand what is the problem with nepalses who had couple of education and commenting on someone relationship. If there may be problem with his married life then it makes sense. HOw the fu....ck on earth you can read his or her mind. Keep all your hogas bogas theortical concept on side. First of all have you ever married. I use to think marriage is made in heaven and i will be honest husband.

but you know what marriage is made in heaven but it has to be fulfilled in earth. There is pain and sorrow along with basic life's instituiton. I am happy that someone raised topic. He is bold enough to get that here.
I got married 4 months ago and i am getting divorce in mutual understanding with my wife....
simply i just cant bring out which i cant ......................

she know she can make me happy and she is sick and tired of my attitude...so better we fu.......ck off both ways.
i made mistake of getting arranged marriage and made a rush........so i am here to suffer and my wife because of my consicounsess and her stubborn...

so guys ...........there are lot of elemets to have good married life....honestly,

life is like a bicycle once you ride on it............you need to peddle it to keep in balance.


so dont be judgemental guys........not all the males and females are lucky to have good married life.................for me i am natural born loner and i need to have my loniness to survive....

asta la vista

I didnot wanted to write so soon but the post's here are much sensible, cant get away with it.

To, all those wicked minded people, i am not a freak, i live my life with my choice, with my freedom and with my decision. If i am unhappy i dont hide it, i speak the truth and look for my happiness. i am not scared of my stand in my life unlike some of you who live your life without your will. that is called slaves, so slaves do not deserve to express their bullshit comments.

There has been problem in the past about Nepali society and yet today people are educated and they can speak and write few words in english although the same problem exists! When there's a issue, why people have to come up with negative and bad words!
that REFLECT'S WHICH KIND OF FAMILY YOU BELONG TO! poor attitude comes from people who live with poor characteristcs. so guys learn to live your life when you have the chance or before its too late.

I have taken the bold step to rectify my life to live with fullness of everything that life has to offer. it was my first marriage by the way, that does not mean that it will continue again.
I declare that next time i get married, it will be for forever in presnece of God's blessings. our hearts will be healed and the new life we ought to live is our hope and future. There is power in your tounge, in your thinking and in your believe. and This is what is going to change my life because i speak the truth, i believe in what i hope and i am totally positive,, standing firm.

all of you who are still trying to find out my story, why divorce?? must understand that theres NO LOVE between us and the other reasons follows on and on........
Ask YOURSELF, would you build a house knowing that the house you are building it has very weak foundation?

i thank moneyminded and logmein for sharing their views, i appreciate your posts.

Life always does not gets along with our knoweldge and experience, because our knoweldge and experience may fail, our plans may fail, but the destiny that God has prepared for us will prevail.

God bless.

When you do arrange marriage without knowing the girl, you have to be ready to bear some consequences. You might be in US or Canada from last couple of years and you might think you are free from all the cultural bondage but people in Nepal are not.
And one more thing, you can’t get married and get divorce after six months, “Not in Nepal”. And don’t even try to compare the case with similar case in US or Canada. That makes no sense. You should have married some Girl in US or Canada instead of going to Nepal and doing arranged marriage with some innocent Nepali girl (without fully knowing her). If it’s Kathmandu or some big cites, then it wouldn’t be such big of a deal, but just think how her life will be after the divorce if she is from some remote place outside of Kathmandu. Nepal hero will win if he gets divorce but she will loose either way. I don’t know who is the real one to be blamed here but whoever or whatever is the cause, she is the one will be paying the price for this even though it’s not her fault.
Like you said, nobody builds house with weak foundation but your house is already built and doing divorce is like demolishing whole house by thinking foundation is weak. Nobody would suggest that. You can redesign and remodel it instead of breaking that down into pieces. You have full right to speak up your mind and do whatever you want but while doing that you also have to respect others destiny. You are right, Life always does not get along with our knowledge and experience, but your steps of experience shouldn’t be somebody else future.
So Nepali Hero, try to find the right solution but I don’t think divorce is the answer for that.

NOw, what should we do? yes, we made a mistake by getting into marriage without knowing her better. The problem was not with her, the problem is within me. One more thing yes, you cant get divorce within 6 months of marriage. Isn't it enough to sleep in seperate room under same roof. Well, you got to wait for while but ................you know what when there is no love to hold the relation then you should move on.
you will start looking for the alternative........for me i am back with my same old life style, flirting with women, pciking up the women....so why let her suffer?
you know when you hate someone you cant even see her face at all. When the conversation goes wild you tend to bring such things from mouth you dont mean to say to her. So why hurt her and have guilty feeling later on.
i call my wife south indian, miss india so and so......coz i get pissed when i see her face. She calls me kawadi and raises hand. she punches me and kicks me. I dont raise hand or legs either. I want to be in better side of divorce. plus i have never raised hands on gals..but my verbal is so strong that you dont have to be bitten.......

better to look for new clothes rather than sweing it again and again.

my view..........at the end...you are only sharing your veiws....as if you will accept my wife as your wife....so just chill and let ppl do what they want to do....check buffalo in your shoulder before you point flies in other ...

take a chill pill

Clothes and wife are not same that u can change again and again. if you think so then i don't know what to say and one more thing if there is a divorce then there should be mutual understanding between husband and wife. your case might be different but looks like case over here is different. any way u also chill out by taking chill pill.

look nepali hero ,
Tesai aafu lai hero samjhera matra hundaina. do you know or not
"Divorce will cause you 6 more times painful then death".
You will realise that later after divorce. So think before you do something

Interesting.
This is one of the few threads that i read top to bottom.

I do not see any reason to discuss whether it is right to divorce or not in 'nepali_hero''s case because his reasons for divorce are not known.

Was it because your wife's side didnt give enough dowry?
Was it because you cum damn early?
Was it because you have different gf in canada?

If these were the reasons, then you will have to be a 'loner' all life.

BUT, if the reason is genuine, then you should be able to find a better wife.

so, all I would say is, 'There isnt any perfect marriage in this world'. Its like making a minority government.

Its good to be selfish, but since you only know your situation, I do not want to name you selfish.

If you think thats the better option for not just you but both, then should go for it.
When it comes to your entire life, who cares about the society or whatever.

HI all,

1. She called my lawyer said that " She is never ever going to leave me, further she said that she dont have hope, dreams and desires so she is not going to let mine be completed so, she want to see my life completely distroyed".

2. Her brothers in Army are keeping up their mentality to kill me.

I thank God for this situation in my life, for God has given me the strenght to bear it and the knoweldge to quit the relationship with people who does not deserve to be with me.

If people come against me, i should not be surprised becasue its people they know us for to betray, cheat, create problems and harm. so guys you all make sure that you hang around with good people, good friends.

I am not afraid if i have to loose my life, i rather die happily instead i live with fear and against my will.

May God belss you all.

Looks like this is already in critical situation. I just hope both parties can live in peace.But I know our society needs to change and we are seeing one.

You’re stupid, my friend. I am not even sure what is that you are actually trying to accomplish. If you’ve already made up your mind so decisively for divorce, why even bother to ask for an opinion? “There is NO LOVE between us”. Have you made any attempt to prosper love between you and your wife? You got married with someone you probably didn’t know anything about, so you knew all along that it was going to be tough. There have to be a lot of understanding, compromising and trust to build the relationship. But you decided to take an easy path of breaking up the relationship. Be a man and learn to take your responsibilities. Don’t blame on the society. I am glad that our society is conservative when it comes to divorce. I wouldn’t have enjoyed to be raised by a single mother and spent time with my siblings and dad only in weekend. If the society wasn’t conservation enough people would have looked for a simple excuse to get away from married lives and commitments. I am not saying that divorce should never be allowed, but most of the time, people are only looking for an excuse. Things can be worked out if you want to in many cases. Don’t look for the easy way around.

Some wise man once said, "You have to half blind and half deaf before marriage and completely blind and deaf after marriage if you want your marriage to succeed."

Most of us fail to do so. That's when our marriage fall apart.

Then again, men are from mars and women from venus. Unless both parties realize that and cooperate, marriage fails. However, the best option is not the way out. If you get divorce, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Hang on to your marriage. Make things work out. Unless it is a matter of life and death, divorce should not be an option.

My friend, divorce is something I dread the most. My marriage also has a lot of problems but I keep hanging on. I will never dream of getting a divorce and remarrying. Does not work that way - at least for those of us who have our roots in Nepalese culture.

Divorce is the biggest life-shattering experience, secondy only to the demise of a loved one.

Life is not fair. We have to learn to adapt to what life gives us. Amen.

It is a very unusual thread in Sajha, as it is too personal to deal with.

Sajha Kurakani is filled with advisors, consultants, sympathisers,gurus etc, so I am no exception. Still, I think, this thread is too personal.

Well, quick question to you. Did you think and analyze a lot prior marrying your current wife? I guess not!!! I think you are thinking more right now than before marrying this gal. Sometimes in life, what happens is, let's just take a chance, and see what happens- but that becomes costly.

So long as Divorce, I guess you won't loose that much by divorcing her, but your wife will loose a lot- perhaps her own identity.

Was it because your wife's side didnt give enough dowry?
Was it because you cum damn early?
Was it because you have different gf in canada?

Nepali Hero,
I disagree with boston78. If something is unworkable then there is no point dragging it. Believe me it only gets worse. Nepali hero, I think you should break it off clean, if possible and start a new life. If you are not happy at home it’s gonna reflect your work and everything else you do. Its your life, you have right to be happy and I don’t think you should stay in marriage if you are miserable. Divorce is not sacred, as many of us perceive, its just two people coming together to live and raise a family. I can understand, divorce not being an option if you had kids with her. If you don’t then move on…
Good luck,
Clean slate

Nepali_Hero , I feel your pain , man.It is extremely painful to live in a situation like that. However, you have to take responsibility for your actions. You made the decision to marry hastily.I have similar scenerio and at times i do think of divorce . I married because i thought that was the best thing for me to do. Because most of Nepalese are torn between two cultures , it's tough to come to terms like arrage marriage and , although our parents had done it and lived happily everafter,our generation may not . I have decided to take one day at a time and try to mend our relationship although, right now , i feel like there's no hope. I refuse to be the one to destroy her life . I am man enough to live the consequenses of my choice( no matter how stupid it may seem) and may be i can grow out of it ! Again , this is my take on my relationship which resembles yours in some ways but ultimately , no one can decide for you - you are the master of your destiny !

logmein ---

u married a westernized advanced girl and now supposedly ur asking for a divorce after 8 yrs. kinda funny ud say ud rather marry a cultural nepali rather than a westernized advanced girl. yet now how fair do u find urself?? before entering the minds of others, or giving advice friendly or unfriendly, or plain and simply responding to someone elses "fairness" plz think of ur own situation and see how fair u really are, not to the girl of 8 yrs but the child of 6.

have a nice day sir!